God would have us step far from that murky gap where our faith rests untested… Where comfort is sought, yet none can be found.

All too willing to believe what we’re told about ourselves, we ask what we’re made of and easily take a seat in unfounded belief. We surrender where victory seems impossible, never to have even drawn our sword in defiance against what we beg to defeat.

He offers us havens, but will not place us in them. Where we desire strength, He offers us opportunities to be strong. When bravery and wisdom are sought, He offers us a chance to make the wise and courageous decision. Where we seek to approach Him, He clears the path.

What’s not to believe about our ability within Him?

Where do I not listen to His desire for my life, yet ask for direction? Where have I yet to meet Him as He sits patiently waiting for me? Like a father who awaits the homecoming of a lost child, He leaves a light on for me, yet I wonder if He seeks me out. Where does He wait for me and I’ve yet to show? What has He spoken to me that I’ve cast aside? What is His word that goes unheeded? Why is His strength more than enough to carry this world, yet I fear so much as leaning upon Him when it ultimately counts?

Where have I loosened my grasp on Him, yet He refuses to let go of me?

Just as the sun rises and offers its light, the darkness that was gives way to the gift of discovery and new opportunity. A new day has dawned and yearns to be met.

As much as we blame something or someone else for our inability to discover our God-given purpose in life, perhaps it’s us who gets in our own way. Either through action or inaction… Like many wise people have said on many different occasions, “Wherever you go, there you are.“

Speaking for myself, I know that God seeks to do such a work in and through me, but I’m not always following Him when He leads the way. Like my Pastor Kevin Myers at 12Stone Church once used a radio to teach us… There are always radio waves passing through the air around you. But unless you’re tuned in to the correct frequency, all you hear is static. No music to rouse you or inspire you. Just useless static. God is broadcasting a strong and ample signal…

Are we tuned in to his station?

I never had the pleasure of meeting her husband, but to talk about Cristan, one would have to mention her husband, Tony Nolfe. I’ve only known Cristan for six months, but it was quite obvious that her love for Tony was as strong as they come. Her desk was covered in photos that documented their lives together. Smiling, goofing around, making funny faces – her smile in those photos seemed brighter and wider than any smile of hers I’d ever seen when he wasn’t around. I can only guess that it was one of those unions where they completed one another in a way that transcends words or understanding.

They’d known each other since they were young teenagers, but came together as husband and wife in a small chapel in Gatlinburg, Tennessee in 2006. As their love grew even deeper and stronger, the rest of their young lives stretched out before them. There was no reason to believe anything could ever come between Cristan and Tony and their dream of realizing a long and prosperous life of love together.

It was shortly after they met years ago that Cristan found out about Tony’s heart problem. Called Endocarditis, Tony’s heart problem began when the site of routine dental surgery got infected and carried the infection into the valves of his heart, infecting them.

Even throughout numerous hospital stays and visits, Tony and Cristan were able to maintain full-time jobs. Even though Tony’s health had its ups and downs, one thing remained clear; Cristan was as devoted as ever to her husband, in sickness and in health.

Tony lost his battle with his weakened heart on July 20, 2008. He was only 31 years old.
November would have been their 2nd wedding anniversary.

This sad story took an even more tragic turn today as we got the news that Cristan had passed. Perhaps a life without Tony was too much for her to bear. She was 28.

I last saw her last week. I wish I could see her again.

I didn’t even notice that she’d cleared her desk of all the photos of her and Tony before she left last week. I wish I would have stopped in her doorway long enough to notice the empty desk. I wish…

Please say a prayer for the Robinson and Nolfe families.

…and I like to brag.

One of my 11-year olds, Jordan, has always been the avid reader. Voracious, even. Harry Potter? Been through all of ‘em. The whole ‘Eragon’ series? Check. Over the summer, he averaged a novel a week.

Yesterday, I come home to find that he has read ‘Peter and the Shadow Thieves’ – 556 pages – in one day.

I’m reaching. Are we all not reaching for something, somehow?

All reaching for that thing that will utterly and absolutely complete us and

make our lives doable – for now.

That idea or fantasy that could perhaps makes us feel whole, complete and

worthy.  Sure, we act as if we’re asking politely and getting permission, but we’re usually not.

And SO WHAT? What if we do want it? Don’t we deserve it? After all, we have wanted it for a while now. We can make a case for wanting it.

Maybe we can just grab it and turn the blinds when conscience knocks.

After all, we asked ‘please’ and waited for an answer.

Well, we got one… But defied it and then changed the question to suit our need.

We want it when we want it.

Newer. Cleaner. Fresher. Bigger. Faster. Better. Nicer. Straighter. Lighter. More “together”.

Imagine the possibilities. Imagine what it could actually do for us.

I bet it would make our lives easier. Even improve our lives. Right now.

We just can’t seem to wait. Patience seems far from us at these moments.

Need… Don’t need… Whatever.

We caught a fleeting glimpse. But how in the world was that enough to lock us in?

Don’t really like it. Don’t truly love it. Honestly don’t need it. Must have it. Why is that?

Do we really need more? Probably not.

But what drives us to feel as if we really do need more than we already have?

Is that only a hint at how large that void is that we try so desperately to fill?

Surely, we could help one another to alphabetize and categorize the things, ideas and notions we’ve thrown in to that vast and open space.

I sometimes think the adventure is not in the ‘having it’ so much as the ‘wanting it’.

]]> http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/08/22/want/feed/ 2 Lewis http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/call-us-paranoid-but/ http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/call-us-paranoid-but/#comments Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:07:14 +0000 Lewis http://moats.wordpress.com/?p=62 ]]> So later this year, Marti’s got her 20th high school reunion. So as we were making a plan for plane tickets to head up to New Jersey for the shindig, something pulled at me from deep inside my brain.

As most of you know, we have three kids: Cameron & Jordan, 11, and Olivia, 6. I often get sad when I think of being away from the kids for an extended period of time, and this reunion takes us away for an entire weekend. They’ll be in great hands, so that’s not a problem. My dad is coming up from Tampa to stay here with them, so it’s the best situation for all of us. They’re sleeping in their own beds, staying with Papa, whom they love, etc…

I can hear what you’re thinking… “It’s only a weekend… Only three days, blah, blah… Go! Have fun! Enjoy 3 days without the kids!” I mean, that’s what I would tell a friend leaving for the weekend without their kids. But if it’s any indication, we had ONE night away from the kids to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and we couldn’t wait to pick them up. We missed them so badly. Pretty silly.

So as we’re booking plane tickets, something nagged at me. What if, God forbid, something were to happen to Marti and me, and the kids were left alone? That thought, as slight as it seemed, saddened me to the point where I spoke up to say that I thought we should fly on separate flights. It’s funny, because Marti must’ve been feeling the same thing because she didn’t give it a second thought, either. It reminds me of how I always heard that the Coca-Cola executives who had access to the secret formula for Coke never traveled together in case something tragic should happen to them while they were traveling and left no one behind that could ever access the formula.

So we’re flying out of Atlanta, about an hour or so apart. Just in case.

- George Eliot

Don’t ask me why. I have been inspired by several things lately and have made mental notes about things my mind would like to revisit for blog purposes, but when it comes time to sit down, I’m drained. Not so much in energy, but in mental energy. Why is that, anyway?

It’s worth mentioning that I did write for a church activity a week or so ago and it seemed as if the floodgates opened that morning. That was exhilarating and offered such good therapy.

I’ve always written for the purposes of informing or entertaining, when you look at my history. Having spent some time in radio, I wrote news to inform, obviously. I helped write bits and sketches for the listeners’ entertainment and even wrote ad copy for the purposes of selling. In all those instances, I’d have to imagine how my material would go over with a prospective audience, whether it pushed their buttons or made them laugh or told them something new that they never knew before.

But for the first time, I think, I wrote just to write. To purge. To emote. And felt lighter after doing so.

That being said, please forgive me for the absence. I’m off the bench and in the game.

]]> http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/so-i-havent-posted-in-a-bit/feed/ 5 Lewis http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/05/11/now-we-know-why-she-hates-fans/ http://moats.wordpress.com/2008/05/11/now-we-know-why-she-hates-fans/#comments Mon, 12 May 2008 02:20:06 +0000 Lewis http://moats.wordpress.com/?p=57 ]]> Okay, so the girl hates fans.

Lemme start with this: Our house is 14 years old, has one AC unit, 2 stories and that poor unit that we do have seems to be a bit old and undersized for our house and at some times of the year, can allow our upstairs to get quite warm. We all have a ceiling fan or oscillating fan in our rooms. Olivia has both in her room, but never allows either one to be on, especially if she’s going to bed. I’ll try and sneak it on and leave the room and she screams like I just let a cobra loose. Marti and I have wondered if it was due to the fact that her ceiling fan is a tad loose and wobbles a bit, making her think it’s going to fall on her. I’ve asked if that was the reason and she’s denied it. Anyway, there have been times in the past where not only was it hot, but the AC was BROKEN and that girl insists on sleeping with the fan OFF, and it just makes me hot even thinking about it. We were so confused… Until the other night, that is.

Tornadoes.

You heard me… Tornadoes. She’s afraid of tornadoes and doesn’t want one in her room. IN HER ROOM…

You heard me correctly. The other night when Marti and I were tucking her in, I turned her fan on and just before she began to scream about it, she whispered in Marti’s ear, “Can the fan cause a tornado to form in the house?” Our lips still hurt from biting them.

Needless to say, now she doesn’t mind it on ‘Low”.

I can see it now. It all starts with that dang first tooth…

After The Savagery